Sometimes I sit at home and wish I could just quit school and get a job and get the fuck out of this house with my son and my dog. I feel like such a loser here at home trying to get some studying done with all the chaos around me and all the negative comments about me flying out my dad's mouth. I wish this process was more bearable.
Sometimes I wish the plan was not to trade this lifestyle in for another very similar lifestyle (except with my boyfriend) after graduation. He tends to disregard what I feel, what I do, what I want in life. But I know he loves me and my son and that's why I stay. He seems to know what's best for me. Even though I may not always agree.
When I was younger, I tried to become a software engineer. I really
hated programming, but I knew I could make a lot of money and help my
parents buy a house if I became a software engineer. I think I had 9
more units to go when I dropped out of college and got pregnant.
I was pregnant with Adrian when thoughts of this ideal career path presented itself to me. My dream was to become a psychotherapist or a naturopathic doctor, or an acupuncturist, or something to help other people in their path to wellness, but that requires a lot of school. It was very late in the game when I felt this path would be right for me. I still had to finish my undergraduate degree.
I was so adamant about not going back to the little engineering college I went to to finish up. I decided to go to San Francisco State University instead to study psychology. That would mean more school afterwards if I wanted to be a therapist.
My boyfriend is pushing 40 and would like to start a family of his own. He doesn't make a lot of money, so he's waiting for me to finish school and get a job making at least $50K per year so we can start a family together. It wouldn't be right if I went for my masters or my PhD right after graduation. That means he wouldn't be able to start a family until his mid-40's.
My job experience is mostly in signmaking and printing. I thought it would be logical to finish school with a degree in some kind of graphic design. So I decided to change my major so I can just get a job right out of college. This would make my parents happy and my boyfriend happy.
My son wants a little brother. My parents want me to have a job and help them out as they grow older. My boyfriend wants his own children and to be a stay-at-home dad. There's a lot of people here to please.
It's just hard when I hear negative comments. My dad's just full of them. And my boyfriend is like, "hurry up and graduate."
I feel so guilty here when I have to use my weekend time to study. I wish I had money to bring Adrian out for a day of fun on Saturday. He's just here sitting on the couch watching television. I feel so terrible.
Hi! This is my official intro to this new blog. I've had this domain for at least 2 years now but I had no idea what to do with it. I've been wanting to do something worthwhile for the greater good of the world, but as of yet, there is not much I think I can offer. So for now, this blog is going to be personal, selfish, and all about the wonder of me.
Why should you read this? Um...I don't know. If you're interested in seeing how I do as a 30-something single mother college student living with my parents and having to commute an hour each way every day with no steady income, stay fed. People have told me that they don't know how I do it. I guess that's supposed to be a compliment but that compliment tends to put me to tears because I don't know how I do it either! Stay tuned to see if I make it.
Since this is public, I'm going to try to stay as positive as I can. This is a personal exercise for me. I hope to connect to those in similar situations as well.
Enjoy! And don't get too depressed.
Welcome to my new blog powered by Movable Type. This is the first post on my blog and was created for me automatically when I finished the installation process. But that is ok, because I will soon be creating posts of my own!
Recent Comments